Since 94.1% of my AP English class posted their epic poems, I think I shall post mine. My poem is funny in a non-funny way, actually. Most people wrote pages and pages, but I handed mine to Connelly on one page with big font ^^;;. Oops. I forgot the night before I was writing the poem that each canto had to be at least 20 lines long.
However, the grade I received for my epic poem was very generous given that it was so short and not very clear in what it mocked. Mr. Connelly commented: “Brevity is the essence of wit, eh?” But in anycase, I like shorter poems, and I make them easy to understand. If I don’t understand a poem, how can I enjoy it?
A mock of evil
All quickly come hither and hear in awe
The solemn story of man’s second great fall.
Once was born awake but in a small wake
Saw no light and lost his sight by voices fake;
Monotonous drones citing no reasons,
I have come in great and dire seasons.
To inform you of the dangers I must
Before the fragile box of dangers bust.
So help me Muse; Ho! Where art thou going?
Coward! You leave me here without knowing!
Leave me not. I unsheathe my bare bodkin.
Ha, you worry for I am prone to sin.
On a journey, a perilous journey!
To bring light to men’s eyes without delay.
Risk life and liberty to take this task;
Sacrificing self, nothing more I ask.
The forbidden story, I will reveal
To all nothing will ever be concealed.
“In this uni verse oft been a grand question:
What meaning is life and our ‘xistence within?
Worth more than enlightenment, no worth dare
So free your sinful gold; Wait and prepare.
More, you all are worthy of this great answer.
Know all, see all, own all, soon to transfer;
But woe that flown away my courage, aye,
At the sight of boisterous pirates. Good-bye!
Muse! Dare you to follow after my scheme.
Forget not, I would like to hear you scream.
What say you? Your words merely have no end.
“I warn you: To hell you shall soon contend.
For Satan is lonely and has no friends.�
I scoff. I laugh. In glee I soon amend:
“Do you think that to hell I shall be undone?
I’ve been there and back; Not even begun!�
Fear I sense, for I am no mere moral
I have come to open the dark portal.
Unlocking the small to unleash great doom.
And place all of mankind inside a tomb.
But before I kill you in great pleasure,
Please listen to the story of man’s fall…
Originally, my intent was to mock a mock epic poem. So I had the muse running away. I also wanted to mock the trip to hell by having the speaker say something like: “Oh yeah? Well, I’ve been to hell and back!” One line was all it took to go to hell and then get back ^^;. Initially, I wanted to pun the hell out of the poem (mocking Shakespeare who has great puns), but after the first canto/stanza, I was exhausted since it was around 11PM at night, and I was still working on my college apps. I would have loved to have more time–to have sat down and actually made each line pun with another line.
So the speaker is also a conman. He dramatically states that he holds man’s greatest secret and wants people to pay money to hear it. This scene was inspired by Huck Finn characters The King and the Duke who ripped a whole town off with Shakespeare plays. The speaker takes people’s money and then just when he’s about to reveal the secret, he sights pirates and takes off faster than you can say: “Jackrabbit”.
The last canto is where the muse tells him to go to hell to which he gleefully replies. Inadvertently, I wrote a few lines that can be construed to imply nuclear weapons:
I have come to open the dark portal.
Unlocking the small to unleash great doom.
And place all of mankind inside a tomb.
I believe I was thinking about some pandora’s box at that moment which opened a portal between Earth and a supposed place called Hell (which if it exists, must be pleasant since scientists can create a heat pump to generate electricity to power air conditioners….and other good electronics). Then, like a mobius stip (idea from John Barth’s Lost in the Funhouse), the mock epic poem repeats….