Mike’s in a dungeon in the basement of some old brick building in Pittsburgh, chained to a moldy, mossy, cold, damp stone wall. It’s dark in there, and he hasn’t been fed in two days. From what I gathered from the smoke signals he paid the hunchback dungeonkeeper to send up here to New Hampshire, he’s being held ransom by the mob for $6,200,000. Needless to say, he won’t be posting on here much.
I guess a taxi driver offended him so he used his mad skill at GTA-style moves to kick him out of the car and then accidentally run over him, and then some mobsters who were affiliates of the cabbie stole the car from him, blindfolded him, and put him in a dungeon.
That last post was apparently a fraud, posted from the mob’s computer lab also hidden somewhere in Pittsburgh, to reassure people at home that he was doing fine. The mob figured out Mike’s not-so-secure password on the second try (which should serve as a public service announcement to all of you: make your passwords hard to guess!). However, they didn’t count on the double-crossing hunchback who sweeps the dungeon floor, and now the true story is out!
If anybody has $6.2 million, send it to the address Mike posted, and he’ll thank you profusely when he gets back home. 